nowadays i've been studying lik cow...
but still there is alot alot more to study...
arghhhhh!! y the syllabus so bulky eh??
really hate it... grrrrrr!!

sometimes i am really lost...
lik now i suddenly donno wat i want,
wat do i want in my life?
wat am i expecting?
wat do i have in my life??
how come i felt lik as if i never improve?
how come i felt lik i am still in the same place same position from the beginning till now??
when can i feel the improvement??
i know i hardly stand up for myself
i know i hardly do things for myself
i guess i did "something" but slow...
but how can it b so slow???!!
too super slow, to b exact!!
how can i not hate myself?
so many many questions which have no answers thus no solution...
thus here i am...
stuck on the same position

i've been watching the same cartoon over n over again juz b'cuz i lik the cartoon
LOL
been eating food i lik everyday!! been sitting on my fav place for long hours without doing anything beneficial!! hohoho

once i lik dat something i will do it over n over again without fail!! wat a weird person i am.. haha! dats me!!

weeeeeeeeeeee

7/04/2010
bought my camera d. finally~fiuhhh~~~
cost me around RM790 but i guess its worth it?
12.1MP wif 15xZOOM
hehe
dis is kinda lik a dream since i am a lil gal..
so its a dream come true??
NICE~

been thinking wat would LIFE be without him~
i dont know y but somehow i felt something's amiss.
mayb n mayb i tot... is the same issue dat havent have a solution.
but after some time... i realize it wasnt dat issue
its because i am willing to sacrifice for a selfish person?and i am not saying sacrificing for u is not worth but how can u b so selfish??
its not dat i want him to throw everything aside n concentrate on me..
but if u want something, u have to work hard to get it, isnt it?
especially when u want ppl's daughter.. u somehow have to try n learn to get along wif the parents.dats wat u should do!
he said he rather let go than facing my mum..
he say my mum look down on him...
oh dear dats not the reason u should giv me..
u should at least try!
u know wat... i am slowly giving up ad...
till i can cope life without u... i am gonna say eternal goodbye to u dear. n u know it..
so lets juz wait n c...

i discover bit by bit......the ME in ME!! =)

i am a "pendiam" since i was a lil kid... i always get dis kind of comment whenever the "report card day" comes..

guess those teachers can see what others might not see. =)

frankly, i dislike talking n is too lazy to speak up even for a simple reading we used to have in class. i used to hate oral reading test! LOL!

but now i am average dy. i don hate talking dat much anymore. but still i am lazy to talk. plus, sometimes talking overload makes me feel tired. i seriously dont know y.

most of the time i got lots of comment lots of crap dat i wanan share but when i talk too much i will feel tired. no energy.

i think i have to admit dat............ I AM A WEIRDO!! Oh me god! haha!!

feelings

i dont know how. but somehow the feelings r coming back. i guess its cuz v r getting closer now?
i dont want those feelings to come back.
so i shall concentrate on something else.


forget bout this sad part. :P


lets talk bout tJ. :)) weeee~~
i've been cleaning my room bit by bit.
~old dy. cant clean all one shot.:P
hehe
and fortunately....manage to dig out one old box. my fav box!!
awhhhh~!! saw all those letters... from kY, fatt, gino, and etc etc..
hehe forget bout those letters...
main point is i found the letters i wrote to tJ!! :))
those letters were suppose to remain in the box cuz i never plan to deliver them to him.
but somehow... after about 7.5yrs? i manage to deliver it out to tJ via msn.!!!!omg!
i really cant believe me!! i actually type the letter all over again in msn to him. of cuz, upon his request la..LOL!! but i send him first sentense FIRST la.. :P hehe
we had some great time laughing bout the "funny" letter.
after reading it. i somehow realise, back in 2002, i really do love him, really crazy+desperate bout him LOL
so am i now hehe
still sayang him so so much :)))


to tJ,
i will b there................... no matter wat.
:]

a montly expense book konon..

when i started to record all of my outgoing expense,
i think its a good thing to do
cuz i know how much n wat i've spend for the month
dats the purpose of such book rite??!
well.. its a good thing i tot,
but now..
its giving me HEART ATTACK each month n all the guilt i felt was irrecoverable!!!
end of each month i will b thinking...
"crap!! how nice if i've saved up half of wat i've spend??"
"hL! u r a BIG BIG spender!!"
dis book leaves me wondering how am i gonna survive in the future when the amount of my spending is almost a month's salary of a worker. i mean those general clerk.

been thinking to continue dis book for yr 2010 or not...
sighhhh

never ending lil prob keeps flowing in... :s :(((

its been so long since i last update my blog...
well here i am again...
gonna start complaining..mumbling..sulking... etc etc..
hehe

first of all..
exam finish d...
currently on holiday... weeeeeeeee~~
but two miserable short week oni...
iskk..

second of all..
after exam i went genting...
den port dickson n melaka...
LOL crazy crazy holiday..
hehe

third of all..
quite boring holiday cuz no car...
iskk...
mum sold my kembara...miss my kembara damn damn much...
hehe

forth of all..
cant wait to meet gregory again...
1 yr never c him ad.. miss him alots..
hehe

cut everything short short...
cuz lazy+tired..
juz back from cousin's wedding dinner...
congratulation to my cousin ***Lee Tung Wai&Tee Bee Khim***
wish the both of u happy till the end :))

picture time!!

look wat i've done to myself.. LOLdis is the french theme village in bukit tinggi.. :)) quite unique place

dis is wat happens when...
no dig sand equipment
no sea soaking
no banana boat
cant wet ur clothes

me&himwe will walk together till the end..
this is a promise form both of US.

me&my fav beach :))

relaxxx...

a coffee+newspaper=joy :))one of my fav moments :))

i................u

i juz wanna b the crazy lil gal who disturb around when u r having a bad day
i juz wanna b the crazy lil gal who disturb u when u r bz
i juz wanna b the crazy lil gal who disturb u when u r sleeping
i juz wanna b the crazy lil gal who disturb u when u r awake
i juz wanan b the gal u love to b wif...
no matter wat....
i juz wanna b the crazy lil gal in ur life dear :D

i have a confession to make ><
sL accidentally saw a private pic in my phone.
when she ask bout the pic, i am at first speechless
but in the end i told her!!
cant believe i actually tell her the real thing!
gosh!!
@@

SO upset, angry, unhappy, sad, disappointed of myself lately...
exam approaching!
but still, everything is not even half way thru
still lazying around, slacking, sulking, mumbling~~
WTH yen??
waiting to fail??
dats wat i've been asking myself every single day!
but still............
mr.lazy wont leave me alone~!
!@#$%^&* off mr lazy!!!!
i hate u!!

everything happens for a reason

i hardly pour out to others bout my feelings
its not that i don't want to tell,
is i don't know where to start
and doesn't know how to tell,
maybe this is cause i never learn how to express :(
i care too much of how others will see me after i tell them
i am scared of back stabber, doesn't like them to b exact!

there is one person
only one person
i could talk to,
carefree-ly,
cause i know i could trust him,
i could depend on him,
he will guide me,
and will be there for me no matter what happened :)
he will be there to tell me

"baby, everything happens for a reason, there is no need to feel angry or too happy,
cause if ever god takes away something from u, he will give u something else in return.
whether the outcome is good or bad, happy or sad, its all depends on how u think, no big deal,
life is hard, unpredictable, uncontrollable, so whatever it is, its all up to u to decide."

life is never easy

i dont know bout others. but my life is never easy since the beginning.
since small, i donno y somehow i felt dat i was the "black sheep" of the family.
1.sis doesn't like me, calls me the"lil devil".
2.i am always the one kena blame if anything happens
3.i am always the one have to do hsework while my siblings can lay back n do nth.
4.mum doesnt lik any of my frenz.
5.she even call them "not 3 not 4" fren LOL (translation from hokkien)
6.the thing is, she only critic bout my fren. she loves my sibling's frenz.
7.mum always compare me wif my siblings.
" u c ur bro get how many A's, wat u get??"
"next time ur siblings all gets high salary, wat will u get??"
8. they always say i am the pampered one in the family, i dont think so~!
wat "pampers"LOL do i get??
by comparing me wif others? by being a maid in the hse??

i get to drive to sch during high sch is called pampered??
have u ever think of the reason y i drive myself to sch n last time she fetches all of u go n back from sch n tuitions??
did i volounteer to drive?? did i force u to get me a car to drive to sch??

NO!!! i didnt!! i also wanna b ordinary kid who have parent to pick them up after sch o tuitions!!
when i got robbed by stupid indian who r there to rescue me?? mum?? dad??
forget bout dad!! the distance btwn sch n his shop is juz 10min away. and he prefer sleeping in shop then fetching me back!! so i have to walk!!!!!! walk everyday back from sch n one day kena rob! wtfff and yet i didnt blame anyone of u for all dat. i kept quiet. i know there is nth anyone can do n i doesnt lik to force others to do things for me.

and now,

y muz i get all the hurts??
y drag me in?
its not me who wanted dat lump sum of money! its u!!!
in the end i am the bad kid.
u tot those things he say to me doesnt matter??
wat will u feel if one day ur father tells u dat
"i dont know worth it o not to giv u dis lump sum money to go further ur studies"
suddenly i get dis kind of feedback.
i tell myself it doesnt matter cuz he is a useless dad.

but y??

y u muz say the same thing to me??
"worth it o not to buy me a car??"
hey lets make it clear!
from the beginning till now i DIDNT ask for any new car!
i love the kembara!!
u r the one who want to buy the car n now, out of the sudden asking me whether worth it o not??

what am i? a robot who does not have feelings?? or i deserve to die from the beginning itself???
u shouldnt have let me come to dis world!

thanks mum n dad for directly telling me how worthless i am.
FAMILY=RUBBISH!

been very fast angry lately...
been very upset cuz of u...
gone means gone...
wanna leave den juz go for good..
dont come back again..
y always have to come disturb me..??!!
especially when exam is approaching!!
hate u even more!
wish i never knew u!


considering change number don wan tell u.. LOL :DDD

for u,
i broke all the ''walls''
juz to let u in easily, without any obstacles
but u didnt seem to appreciate me,
u never see what i've done for u,
u never thank me for anything!
u took me for granted!
and after blaming me for everything,
you left me juz lik dat...

and i told myself,
its OK.
cuz soon,
i will rebuilt my ''walls''.
after my walls r tall strong n tough,

u come knocking again and expects me to accept u again.
and u think i gonna let u in freely again??!
well think again.!
dont be foolish,kiddy.

my walls r tall, strong n tough already.
u think u will b able to squeeze in again??
dis time.. u have to come in thru the ''door''.
please ask if ''anybody's'' home. press the damn door bell!

and i swear to god!
if i hear u screaming outside of my hse,
i will tell u personally,
''hey u, lee houi ling is not at home!!''
please dont come again!!!

dis is wat i've been watching over n over again lately..
i cried when the grandma asking for direction...
and i wonder...

if one day,
i have dis disease also..
who will come n rescue me???
its so scary to b all alone n dont recognise anyone..

:'(

OMG!!

i've done something i shouldnt have did
truly deeply sorry to u
(although u wont know) :P

well..
take a look around
dont so stress up!!
dont keep feeling insecure

if somehow u realise there is problem~
solve it..!!
open it up n talk to each other...
keeping it to urself is not going to help
it wont solve anything~
but will only make it worse..!!!

especially relationship..
for a good relationship,
it requires:
1) honesty
2) no wall..no door btwn 2 parties
3) tolerate
4) communication-ability to talk to each other without hard feelings
5) dont juz look n remember his/her's weaknesses n badness

imp!! if u only remember ur partner's weakness n badness...
TRUST ME~
no matter how u tolerate..
no matter how u tell urself "its alrite"~~
by remembering them...
u will not go anywhere..
wif dis kind of attitude,
even if its after 10 yr?
20 yr?
it will end also..!!

dats how i feel...
dats based on my experience
:P

fate o wat?

last sunday..
went aeon for movie..
saw his cousin+gf as we are queuing up to buy tickets..
since the movie only start at 1.30
we still have around 1 hr to loiter around :D
so we decided to go old town cafe(or restaurant) for a cup of tea..
deng~~~
saw them(cousin+gf) again..
so hi hi bye bye...bla bla bla~
den sit till around 1.15..
went in cinema..
as we were talking n wondering whether wat movie they are going to watch..
they walked in.. and sat beside us!!

is dis fate o wat?? :D
the world is so so small..

tsunami.....flood..... earthquake
is all around
is the world ending??soon?
ooooo...
guess the earth is angry huh....

scary..!!!
but no choice...
would love to help out..
but one person's energy is really small
barely bring any difference

i am upset too..
cuz
we as a human...
wont "realise" how important mr.earth is
mayb till one day..
the last day mr.earth is alive only v will "realise" it
and
me
also the same
N.A.T.O
[No.Action.Talk.Only]

they said disaster happen mostly in poor country
but dats not the truth~
i guess those disaster were the reason y the country became poorer
LOL
dats wat i think :(