i have a confession to make ><
sL accidentally saw a private pic in my phone.
when she ask bout the pic, i am at first speechless
but in the end i told her!!
cant believe i actually tell her the real thing!
gosh!!
@@

SO upset, angry, unhappy, sad, disappointed of myself lately...
exam approaching!
but still, everything is not even half way thru
still lazying around, slacking, sulking, mumbling~~
WTH yen??
waiting to fail??
dats wat i've been asking myself every single day!
but still............
mr.lazy wont leave me alone~!
!@#$%^&* off mr lazy!!!!
i hate u!!

everything happens for a reason

i hardly pour out to others bout my feelings
its not that i don't want to tell,
is i don't know where to start
and doesn't know how to tell,
maybe this is cause i never learn how to express :(
i care too much of how others will see me after i tell them
i am scared of back stabber, doesn't like them to b exact!

there is one person
only one person
i could talk to,
carefree-ly,
cause i know i could trust him,
i could depend on him,
he will guide me,
and will be there for me no matter what happened :)
he will be there to tell me

"baby, everything happens for a reason, there is no need to feel angry or too happy,
cause if ever god takes away something from u, he will give u something else in return.
whether the outcome is good or bad, happy or sad, its all depends on how u think, no big deal,
life is hard, unpredictable, uncontrollable, so whatever it is, its all up to u to decide."

life is never easy

i dont know bout others. but my life is never easy since the beginning.
since small, i donno y somehow i felt dat i was the "black sheep" of the family.
1.sis doesn't like me, calls me the"lil devil".
2.i am always the one kena blame if anything happens
3.i am always the one have to do hsework while my siblings can lay back n do nth.
4.mum doesnt lik any of my frenz.
5.she even call them "not 3 not 4" fren LOL (translation from hokkien)
6.the thing is, she only critic bout my fren. she loves my sibling's frenz.
7.mum always compare me wif my siblings.
" u c ur bro get how many A's, wat u get??"
"next time ur siblings all gets high salary, wat will u get??"
8. they always say i am the pampered one in the family, i dont think so~!
wat "pampers"LOL do i get??
by comparing me wif others? by being a maid in the hse??

i get to drive to sch during high sch is called pampered??
have u ever think of the reason y i drive myself to sch n last time she fetches all of u go n back from sch n tuitions??
did i volounteer to drive?? did i force u to get me a car to drive to sch??

NO!!! i didnt!! i also wanna b ordinary kid who have parent to pick them up after sch o tuitions!!
when i got robbed by stupid indian who r there to rescue me?? mum?? dad??
forget bout dad!! the distance btwn sch n his shop is juz 10min away. and he prefer sleeping in shop then fetching me back!! so i have to walk!!!!!! walk everyday back from sch n one day kena rob! wtfff and yet i didnt blame anyone of u for all dat. i kept quiet. i know there is nth anyone can do n i doesnt lik to force others to do things for me.

and now,

y muz i get all the hurts??
y drag me in?
its not me who wanted dat lump sum of money! its u!!!
in the end i am the bad kid.
u tot those things he say to me doesnt matter??
wat will u feel if one day ur father tells u dat
"i dont know worth it o not to giv u dis lump sum money to go further ur studies"
suddenly i get dis kind of feedback.
i tell myself it doesnt matter cuz he is a useless dad.

but y??

y u muz say the same thing to me??
"worth it o not to buy me a car??"
hey lets make it clear!
from the beginning till now i DIDNT ask for any new car!
i love the kembara!!
u r the one who want to buy the car n now, out of the sudden asking me whether worth it o not??

what am i? a robot who does not have feelings?? or i deserve to die from the beginning itself???
u shouldnt have let me come to dis world!

thanks mum n dad for directly telling me how worthless i am.
FAMILY=RUBBISH!

been very fast angry lately...
been very upset cuz of u...
gone means gone...
wanna leave den juz go for good..
dont come back again..
y always have to come disturb me..??!!
especially when exam is approaching!!
hate u even more!
wish i never knew u!


considering change number don wan tell u.. LOL :DDD

for u,
i broke all the ''walls''
juz to let u in easily, without any obstacles
but u didnt seem to appreciate me,
u never see what i've done for u,
u never thank me for anything!
u took me for granted!
and after blaming me for everything,
you left me juz lik dat...

and i told myself,
its OK.
cuz soon,
i will rebuilt my ''walls''.
after my walls r tall strong n tough,

u come knocking again and expects me to accept u again.
and u think i gonna let u in freely again??!
well think again.!
dont be foolish,kiddy.

my walls r tall, strong n tough already.
u think u will b able to squeeze in again??
dis time.. u have to come in thru the ''door''.
please ask if ''anybody's'' home. press the damn door bell!

and i swear to god!
if i hear u screaming outside of my hse,
i will tell u personally,
''hey u, lee houi ling is not at home!!''
please dont come again!!!

dis is wat i've been watching over n over again lately..
i cried when the grandma asking for direction...
and i wonder...

if one day,
i have dis disease also..
who will come n rescue me???
its so scary to b all alone n dont recognise anyone..

:'(