life is never easy

i dont know bout others. but my life is never easy since the beginning.
since small, i donno y somehow i felt dat i was the "black sheep" of the family.
1.sis doesn't like me, calls me the"lil devil".
2.i am always the one kena blame if anything happens
3.i am always the one have to do hsework while my siblings can lay back n do nth.
4.mum doesnt lik any of my frenz.
5.she even call them "not 3 not 4" fren LOL (translation from hokkien)
6.the thing is, she only critic bout my fren. she loves my sibling's frenz.
7.mum always compare me wif my siblings.
" u c ur bro get how many A's, wat u get??"
"next time ur siblings all gets high salary, wat will u get??"
8. they always say i am the pampered one in the family, i dont think so~!
wat "pampers"LOL do i get??
by comparing me wif others? by being a maid in the hse??

i get to drive to sch during high sch is called pampered??
have u ever think of the reason y i drive myself to sch n last time she fetches all of u go n back from sch n tuitions??
did i volounteer to drive?? did i force u to get me a car to drive to sch??

NO!!! i didnt!! i also wanna b ordinary kid who have parent to pick them up after sch o tuitions!!
when i got robbed by stupid indian who r there to rescue me?? mum?? dad??
forget bout dad!! the distance btwn sch n his shop is juz 10min away. and he prefer sleeping in shop then fetching me back!! so i have to walk!!!!!! walk everyday back from sch n one day kena rob! wtfff and yet i didnt blame anyone of u for all dat. i kept quiet. i know there is nth anyone can do n i doesnt lik to force others to do things for me.

and now,

y muz i get all the hurts??
y drag me in?
its not me who wanted dat lump sum of money! its u!!!
in the end i am the bad kid.
u tot those things he say to me doesnt matter??
wat will u feel if one day ur father tells u dat
"i dont know worth it o not to giv u dis lump sum money to go further ur studies"
suddenly i get dis kind of feedback.
i tell myself it doesnt matter cuz he is a useless dad.

but y??

y u muz say the same thing to me??
"worth it o not to buy me a car??"
hey lets make it clear!
from the beginning till now i DIDNT ask for any new car!
i love the kembara!!
u r the one who want to buy the car n now, out of the sudden asking me whether worth it o not??

what am i? a robot who does not have feelings?? or i deserve to die from the beginning itself???
u shouldnt have let me come to dis world!

thanks mum n dad for directly telling me how worthless i am.
FAMILY=RUBBISH!

been very fast angry lately...
been very upset cuz of u...
gone means gone...
wanna leave den juz go for good..
dont come back again..
y always have to come disturb me..??!!
especially when exam is approaching!!
hate u even more!
wish i never knew u!


considering change number don wan tell u.. LOL :DDD

for u,
i broke all the ''walls''
juz to let u in easily, without any obstacles
but u didnt seem to appreciate me,
u never see what i've done for u,
u never thank me for anything!
u took me for granted!
and after blaming me for everything,
you left me juz lik dat...

and i told myself,
its OK.
cuz soon,
i will rebuilt my ''walls''.
after my walls r tall strong n tough,

u come knocking again and expects me to accept u again.
and u think i gonna let u in freely again??!
well think again.!
dont be foolish,kiddy.

my walls r tall, strong n tough already.
u think u will b able to squeeze in again??
dis time.. u have to come in thru the ''door''.
please ask if ''anybody's'' home. press the damn door bell!

and i swear to god!
if i hear u screaming outside of my hse,
i will tell u personally,
''hey u, lee houi ling is not at home!!''
please dont come again!!!

dis is wat i've been watching over n over again lately..
i cried when the grandma asking for direction...
and i wonder...

if one day,
i have dis disease also..
who will come n rescue me???
its so scary to b all alone n dont recognise anyone..

:'(

OMG!!

i've done something i shouldnt have did
truly deeply sorry to u
(although u wont know) :P

well..
take a look around
dont so stress up!!
dont keep feeling insecure

if somehow u realise there is problem~
solve it..!!
open it up n talk to each other...
keeping it to urself is not going to help
it wont solve anything~
but will only make it worse..!!!

especially relationship..
for a good relationship,
it requires:
1) honesty
2) no wall..no door btwn 2 parties
3) tolerate
4) communication-ability to talk to each other without hard feelings
5) dont juz look n remember his/her's weaknesses n badness

imp!! if u only remember ur partner's weakness n badness...
TRUST ME~
no matter how u tolerate..
no matter how u tell urself "its alrite"~~
by remembering them...
u will not go anywhere..
wif dis kind of attitude,
even if its after 10 yr?
20 yr?
it will end also..!!

dats how i feel...
dats based on my experience
:P

fate o wat?

last sunday..
went aeon for movie..
saw his cousin+gf as we are queuing up to buy tickets..
since the movie only start at 1.30
we still have around 1 hr to loiter around :D
so we decided to go old town cafe(or restaurant) for a cup of tea..
deng~~~
saw them(cousin+gf) again..
so hi hi bye bye...bla bla bla~
den sit till around 1.15..
went in cinema..
as we were talking n wondering whether wat movie they are going to watch..
they walked in.. and sat beside us!!

is dis fate o wat?? :D
the world is so so small..

tsunami.....flood..... earthquake
is all around
is the world ending??soon?
ooooo...
guess the earth is angry huh....

scary..!!!
but no choice...
would love to help out..
but one person's energy is really small
barely bring any difference

i am upset too..
cuz
we as a human...
wont "realise" how important mr.earth is
mayb till one day..
the last day mr.earth is alive only v will "realise" it
and
me
also the same
N.A.T.O
[No.Action.Talk.Only]

they said disaster happen mostly in poor country
but dats not the truth~
i guess those disaster were the reason y the country became poorer
LOL
dats wat i think :(